Oct 27, 2013

Assessing Her

Probably, the most irritating case is when people look down on you. Being sensitive as I am, this is one thing that I'm always careful about since I don't want to make people feel down about themselves I try not to be treated as the same. But being in a place where people have preconceptions of where you're coming from was a barrier in making yourself feel better and confident of who you are. Cause people judge, that's how they are. The challenge is how to break that barrier that limits them from knowing me as a person.

I do judge people, but in most cases I don't want to make them feel that. So in the middle of knowing them in depth, I certainly assess whether I like them or not. I'm sensitive about not making them feel awkward towards me by asking questions they don't want to answer. Cause I feel the same, I don't want to be caught in that kind of situation as well. Just so I'm careful about all this kind of situations, I met a person who definitely challenged my patience on how well I'm going to stand strong to being myself. The feeling of awkwardness and questions I don't want to answer bombard me when she's around. At first I thought, it was just her way of dealing with people that she's not aware of. So the first time she did it to me, I ignored it. Until it kept on happening that I pretended I didn't hear nor feel anything. Of course it was never right but I chose to be quiet. Yet now that I have talked to people who know her better. Maybe what I felt was true, maybe she's really was unfair to me. 

Oct 12, 2013

Questions?? Don't ask.

I'm starting to live my life without bothering how people  might react to what I'm doing. It feels relieving and seemingly surprising how much burden was taken out of me- it is so much better now, but problems are always there of course. Regardless of how free I am now, I still can't forgo people who questions me a lot. Those are the forbidden questions I hate to answer. Like "What are you doing now?, Where do you work?, What would you do next?" Shhhhhhh.. The moment I hear these queries, I want to disappear for a moment. Because I don't know the answer yet and I see judgement in their eyes which affects my optimistic view of life.

So I see avoidance as the most effective way not to encounter questions like those. Cause as much as I try to explain my side they will never understand my reasons. It will be just a waste of time so I decided to keep my mouth shut and talk only to those people who can empathize and understand what I'm doing. I live my own life not to impress other people after all. Might as well do the things that I want to do with consideration that it doesn't get out of the line. :D